Will you blow on my dice?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
