I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
