We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
