If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
