grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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