I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
