A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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