Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
