I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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