I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
