found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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