There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
