Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
