"it" just moved
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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