Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
