: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
