In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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