what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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