In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
