O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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