Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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