i may or may not be watching the land before time
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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