yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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