you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
