Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
