and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
