Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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