Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
