Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
