oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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