No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She even gives head with a lisp.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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