so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
