lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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