like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
