My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
