i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
