This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
