She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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