Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
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