remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
