And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
