I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
