I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
