i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
