i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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