Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
