and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
