Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
