...so i touched it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize