On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
