proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
