I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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