i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
