The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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