I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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