I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
