I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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