hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
