a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You can't special order awesome
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
