my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
