be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
