I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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