Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
