Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
