it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
