maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
