I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
