So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
