Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
