we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize