3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
